New Spells

There will probably not be too many legitimate spells on here that will be useful to anyone. Just the same, read on!

  • Crocker’s Nuclear Meltdown
  • Enchantment [Mind-Affecting]
  • Level: Sor/Wiz 5, Internet 5
  • Components: V, M
  • Casting Time 1 standard action
  • Range: Touch
  • Target: One touched surface
  • Duration: Permanent, until discharged
  • Saving Throw: See text
  • Spell Resistance: Yes

You create a mystical screen upon any flat surface you touch. This screen is roughly 18 to 20 inches in area, and remains completely blank and transparent until a living creature passes within viewing range of it. Once a living creature spots the screen, it springs to life, displaying a perplexing, androgynous visage that whines and weeps incessantly. All beings viewing this image must make a Will save or become fascinated. Once the screen fascinates 24 hit dice worth of creatures, or holds any number of creatures in thrall for up to two full minutes, the screen suddenly erupts into a barrage of swearing and maladjusted screaming. At this point, all fascinated subjects must make another Will save, or take 3d6 Intelligence damage. Any creature reduced to 0 Intelligence by this effect is slain.

Components: A single white sheet which must be thrown over the caster as a sort of backdrop; caster must activate spell by screaming “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!” in a frenzied tone.

  • Townball
  • Evocation
  • Level: Sor/Wiz 3
  • Components: V, S, M
  • Casting Time 1 standard action
  • Range: Medium
  • Area: 20 ft
  • Duration: Instantaneous
  • Saving Throw: Reflex half
  • Spell Resistance: Yes

You hurl a tiny ball of debris at any area, which then immediately explodes into a tremendous blast of … well, I’m not sure, entirely. I guess buildings? Anyway, the blast deals 1d6 per caster level (maximum 10d6) “city” damage to all individuals within the area of effect.

Components: Hobo guano.

  • Earblunt
  • Transmutation
  • Level: Sor/Wiz 5, Clr 5
  • Components: V, S, M
  • Casting Time 1 standard action
  • Range: Touch
  • Target: One touched elf
  • Duration: Permanent
  • Saving Throw: Fortitude negates
  • Spell Resistance: Yes

An elf you touch begins screaming in pain, and becomes a human being. They lose all racial features, gain 3 skill points and one additional skill point per hit dice, gain a bonus feat, and lose access to all feats, class features, spells, or equipment that can only be accessed by elves.

Components: A Legolas action figure, which you break during the casting.

  • Create Vodka
  • Conjuration
  • Level: Sor/Wiz 1, Clr 1, Drd 1, Brd 1
  • Components: V, S
  • Casting Time 1 standard action
  • Effect: 1 gallon/level
  • Duration: Instantaneous
  • Saving Throw: None
  • Spell Resistance: No

This spell functions like create water, only more fun at parties.

New Spells

Freaking Elves photoneater