Hermey the Heretic Dentist

Elven Defector, Prophet of the Fates, Local Dentist


A squat elf, with chubby cheeks, blond hair, and a general Botticellian appearance. He wears a blue vest and tights, and a pointed blue cap. When you look closely, you can see his eyes burn with the dark knowledge of forbidden secrets, smoldering away within his soul like a wound that will never heal…


Once an Elf in training under Santa Claus, Hermey (who doesn’t like to make toys) left his work in the Corpulent One’s sweatshop of moral corruption to pursue a life as a humble dentist.

However, one day, while performing a root canal on a patient, he accidentally inhaled a bit too much ether and passed out. During his sleep, he entered a mystical reverie in which he was contacted by the spirits of the Fates. The Fates revealed unto Hermey all the knowledge of the Universe, and his mind was inundated with the full history of all Atop the Table- for a brief moment, he glimpse the Sacred Notes of the Man Behind the Screen, and he fell into madness.

Hermey lost his practice, and spent the next several years living on the streets, eating rats and scribbling down his memories of the trance into a book that would be later released as the Book of Hermey, a sacred tome said to predict all that would befall the Worlds over the next three eras.

His work was written off as little more than the drunken ramblings of a schizophrenic homeless man, until the release of The Fellowship of the Rings in American theaters occurred, as predicted. When this happened, elves received such a boon in popularity that the machinations of the wicked Mialee could be finally achieved, and the worlds Atop the Table were overrun… just as Hermey had written.

Now, Hermey is sealed away in a secret cloister in the base of the Rebels, where he can only be approached by Moona the Cat, or Princess Butterpeach in the event that Moona might be napping.

It has been revealed that when Hermey is in within close proximity to the Elfstar, he begins to become even more mad, and indulges in tranvestitic fetishism.

When the Resistance was attacked and defeated by Mialee, Hermey was captured.

Hermey the Heretic Dentist

Freaking Elves photoneater