Justice Cat

The Cat's loyal retainer; a somewhat capable cleric


An unassuming white cat with cobalt blue eyes and fluffy fur…wearing a fortified breastplate and carrying an autographed picture of The Cat.

LOLCAT cleric of The Cat 8

  • HP: 80
  • AC: 23
  • Speed: 30ft
  • Initiative: +4
  • Alignment: Neutral evil

Ability Scores (unaffected by equipment)

  • STR: 4
  • DEX: 16
  • CON: 16
  • INT: 8
  • WIS: 20
  • CHA: 20

Attack Bonus and Attacks

  • BAB: +6/+1
  • GRP: -6
  • RNG: +9/+4

Saving Throws

  • Fort: 6 +3 =9
  • Ref: 2 +5 =7
  • Will: 6 +7 =13
  • Feats (3 of 3): Augment Healing, Sacred Healing, Domain Spontaneity
  • Racial Features: +4 DEX, -6 STR, 40ft land speed
  • Special Features: Death Touch (domain) – Once per day Justice Cat may make a melee touch attack against an opponent, rolling 8d6 if he succeeds. If the d6 roll meets or exceeds that opponent’s hit dice, the opponent is instantly slain.
  • Skills: Knowledge (religion) +10, Heal +18
  • Spells per Day: 6 / 6+1 / 5+1 / 5+1 / 3+1
  • Spells Prepared: Detect Magic, Detect Poison, Light, Purify Food and Drink, Read Magic, Protection from Good, Cure Light Wounds, Painless Death, Shield of Faith, Death Knell, Cure Moderate Wounds, Cloud of Knives, Magic Circle against Good, Cure Serious Wounds, Animate Dead, Death Ward, Cure Critical Wounds, Healing Spirit
  • Languages: Common
  • Class Features: Rebuke Undead 8/day, Domains (death, evil)
  • Weapon: N/A
  • Equipment: +1 mythril feline-fit breastplate (+6 AC, +8 MDB, -3 ACP, 30ft), Periapt of Wisdom +4, Unholy symbol (autographed picture of The Cat)
  • Gimmick: None

Long before the fat years, when the world of Faerun was still competently managed, the entity known as The Cat was feared and envied by all. He ruled the world with an iron paw and the help of his elite band of blood-thirsty assassins known as the LOLCATZ. Known far and wide for their cruel methods and unflinching resolve against the greatest of numbers, the LOLCATZ were referred to by most people as “the furry cloud of doom.” a monacre that still fits in some ways, but doesn’t really apply the way it used to. These days the LOLCATZ are still a force of nature, but their skill has dwindled and left behind a lot of cute creatures with only a few brain cells between them. They’re still capable of mass destruction, but it comes as a result of their phenomenal clumsiness rather than speed or skill.

Some principal figures remain stalwart and powerful among the LOLCATZ, mostly for their ability to cast a spell without immediately jumping into its range or wield poison without giving themselves a stroke. Justice Cat is one of those LOLCATZ, a reminder to The Cat that his fearsome soldiers still have some use as something other than ammunition. Justice Cat was one of The Cat’s most zealous and capable followers, wielding his cat-mace with great honor to smite countless female elven bards with overtly sexual surnames. Justice Cat is possessed of…well, not staggering intelligence, but enough to know not to step on a landmine. Cripple Cat learned that the hard way. Justice Cat’s most valuable asset is is common sense and wisdom, which he surprisingly has in spades and regularly uses to keep his foolish diety out of trouble. Justice Cat is The Cat’s voice of reason, convincing him not to shove that peasant over a cliff or eat the last jelly roll when the post-it on the plate obviously reads “Steve.” When he isn’t able to talk his boss down from the rafters, Justice Cat is ready with a well-placed healing incantation or a magic circle hastily drawn in pink Crayola chalk that keeps the good guys at bay.

Justice Cat’s diety is The Cat himself, referred to by the pious feline as “big boss.” Thus it’s rather easy for Justice Cat to retain favor with his master, seeing as how his tagging along and healing The Cat’s wounds is enough to remind the big guy that his servant is loyal and resolved.

Justice Cat

Freaking Elves ethersphere